Bleh

No change in weight this past week much. Not gone up or down but sticking at 243.4 lbs. I've been doing pretty good with the snacking and eating what I should not what I want. Even though there is a chocolate brownie in the cupboard calling my name. One of those individual make in a bowl ones. As well as having two kinds of brownie mix in there too. But I've been really good seeing as we have had those for a month now and I haven't broke down and made them to eat them. I just have to remember to cut back on my breads and to only have one hamburger at dinner and not the two that were made for me........even though they are so yummy! All in all - I'm good because its not going up. I was very mad at myself for letting it get back up to 246 lbs so fast. But I back to working on it and we shall see where it takes me. Now if only I liked my stair stepper or bike enough to use them. >.> haha

Take care and have a great weekend. Thanks Julie for reading and commenting! :) ~Hugs~Jen

Life goes on....

So weighed in at 243.4 lbs this morning. Not bad considering it had been up to 246 lbs last week. Part of it was anxiety about the surgery and just saying 'screw this' and eating whatever was put in front of me. Not the best diet or way to lose weight! LOL

So the surgery for bigger biopsies was on the 13th, went well and no complications as of yet. Told it would take 3.5 hrs from start to waking up in recovery - procedure itself was 15 minutes. I was out of there in 3 hrs and thats with the registration nurse yelling at me for having half my chart say just my married name and the other half having my hyphenated name. Technically both are my legal name depending on which document you look at, but anyways. I woke at 8:30 am after the surgery and they released me by 9. Went for breakfast - pancakes, bacon and hash browns with coffee and orange juice - comfort food. Yum! Took my pain pills got home at 10 and was out until 1:30 pm. Was off the meds by Sunday and mostly back to normal. I go in August 1 to get the results. Will be the first time that we actually sit and discuss them in the office vs. over the phone. Results will be back tomorrow but my Dr. is still on vacation which is why I have to wait another week.

But after seeing 246 lbs on my scale I got back on my diet wagon. Also realized I wasn't drinking as much water as I should be. So now its a matter of making sure I drink enough water and watching what I am eating. Which I am doing again and trying to make sure that I am not sabotaging myself - ie. no more chocolate unless its my diet food. Gotta love chocolate flavored shakes! :-D

When it rains it pours.....

Back to the on again off again journaling. Weighing in at 241 lbs last time I weighed myself. Having some medical problems and having surgery this Friday in the morning. So I'm frustrated and not eating right and generally making things worse. But its making me happy at the time. Which is a good and bad thing. I know I shouldn't eat what I want - the chocolate, smores, cocoa puffs cereal....but I get the happy endorphins from it and it makes me forget for a while. But I get frustrated with myself because the weight is coming back - thats the bad part of eating all that stuff.

I have some abnormal - read precancerous cells that need to be removed. I already had one surgery to remove them and had my recheck and there were more. Go figure. So its another surgery thats more invasive and has me a little worried. Which is why I think God had me volunteer in my kids Sunday School 2 weeks ago. The verse was 1 Peter 5:7 Give all your anxieties to God for he cares for you. Can you say hello hammer? And I always remember that somewhere in the Bible is the verse about God not giving you more than he knows you can handle. Just once I'd like to not be able to handle as much as I do, ya know? lol But I worry because this is a surgery that is to be done in an OR not the Doctor's office liek the last one, money is tight with all the testing and having to meet my deductible so my insurance will pay thier 80%, etc., etc., etc.

The girls are playing at a friends at the moment so it gave me some time to check mail and post in my journal. Thanks to those of you who find me and comment that it takes one step at a time. I know this all to well - but it never hurts to be reminded of it. :) Hope you all are having a great summer and I will try to blog more. It might not be about weight loss everytime as I need a place to vent stuff. But then so does everyone. Its usually here or my myspace page. www.myspace.com/butterflichix5 feel free to add me if you have a page there too. Well off to make some lunch for me before I forget. ~Hugs~Jen